look no pants
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
