Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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