We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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