hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
