your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
