i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
