Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
