Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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