It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
