we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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