You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
