So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
