I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
