THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
