girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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