At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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