I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Randomize
