He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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