just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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