and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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