I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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