After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
