I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
