I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
