So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
