So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
