omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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