3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
