I think i peed on brittanys purse
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
