How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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