dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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