But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
