Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
