That's intense
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
