it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Actions speak louder than pants.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
