i already hear my dad disowning me
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
