i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
