Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can tuck mytits in my pants
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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