too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
