what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
