Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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