There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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