Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it hurts more in the daytime
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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