I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
