Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
