I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
