Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
