I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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