I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
