her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
