And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
