My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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