how can u be prego again
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
