Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
