Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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