Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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