you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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