3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Randomize
